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Post by slipknaughtybynature on Mar 9, 2014 17:59:32 GMT -5
Is it me, or has the Evanescence fandom become full of elitist a-holes? I refuse to contribute the mentality that you're only as big of a "fan" of Evanescence as how many times you've met Amy or seen them live or how much money you have. Amy would hate that! I'm disgusted by the behavior of some of the members of this fandom, and I am ashamed that it has gotten this way.
I feel like a pariah in the Ev fan community. I have never, ever felt accepted. I have three friends that I met through the Evanescence fandom that I am really close to (Kevin, Scott and Carolyn). Everyone else has been nothing but cruel and cold to me, at concerts and on the internet. That's fine I understand that people are mean, but WE'RE EVANESCENCE FANS! We are fans of this music because it speaks to us. It speaks to us being outsiders and to being different! Some of us have gone through horrible things, why would we then turn around and be horrible to other people... especially people who we share such a profound connection with?
Today I have been told that I am not a valid member of the Evanescence fan community, because (to paraphrase) I wont drop everything I have going on in my life to travel to a show and see Amy when I have devoted so much of my time to Evanescence. I don't have to prove how big of an Evanescence fan I am to anybody, and I am not doing that anymore. I will not apologize for vocalizing how i feel about the elitism in this ev fan community (if you could even call it that anymore.) No one is better than anyone else here, I don't care how much money you spend on Evanescence or how much merch you have, I hope that one day everyone comes to understand that.
The point of me creating this thread is not to cause further "drama" but I want to create a dialogue, and I want to be heard! I want to know if anyone else feels the way that I do.
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Post by btbrokendoor on Mar 9, 2014 18:20:26 GMT -5
Don't let what anyone says get to you. I have loved Evanescence for 10 years now and only saw them live in concert for the first time in 2013 (I lived in a country they never toured until I moved to Australia). I waited to meet Amy after the show but she didn't come out to meet fans, so I've never actually had a chance to meet her. That being said, Evanescence has always been a huge part of my life even though there are times when I don't listen to them as much and go find other music, or can't devote enough time to posting on fan threads but that's because I have a busy/hectic life.
You are as much a fan as you want to be, and what you get out of their music is up to you, you are not really *required* to give back anything in return to be a fan (except buying music legally I suppose) so don't let anyone else hold you to false ideals of what it means to love the band and really be a fan.
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Post by slipknaughtybynature on Mar 9, 2014 18:25:54 GMT -5
btbrokendoor, I would hug you if I could. Thank you for this (I'm actually crying right now) I just really needed to believe again that Ev fans could be nice! I really needed to hear these things. Again, thank you. :3
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Post by Himmelslicht on Mar 9, 2014 18:26:32 GMT -5
I don't know what kind of elitism you're talking about. I've been an Ev fan for 8 years and have never been mistreated by anyone. For the contrary, so far everyone has been kind to me and I've never been to a single concert, I don't have ANY merchandise at all and I don't even own all the albums. Yet everyone I've spoken to has been friendly and some of my best friends I met on this very forum, even on the old version of it (when it was evthreads.com). We share the love for the band as well as common life things. Some people here had very hard lives, some people are living the dream and some people don't open up at all. To each their own, you see what I mean? Of course you will stumble on some displeasing people down the way but instead of focusing your energy on that, why don't you try to focus on getting along with people you have a connection with? Anyway, if you say anyone here might have broken the rules of the forum, just tell the staff and we will analyse it, because, as you probably know already, we do not tolerate any kind of hatred or bad behavior. Our staff is always analyzing such situations. On the other hand, if you look back, is there anything you might have said that could hurt people's feelings in the community? In situations like this we have to look at it from different points of view. This thread may raise some drama but the staff is here on the lookout
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Post by slipknaughtybynature on Mar 9, 2014 18:57:06 GMT -5
There was an incident today on Facebook where a group of people were involved in essentially cyber-bullying me. A picture showed up on my Facebook newsfeed of them praising themselves for being the most perfect Evanescence fans ever and I (sarcastically and jealously) called them out on it- which I apologized for. They proceeded to gang up on me, each of them saying such horrible things! When I told them how horrible they were being not one of them apologized. They told me not to "rain on their parade". That post has since been deleted, but that doesn't make what they said to me okay. I just honestly need to be validated that fans of Ev's music still exist! Because at the end of the day, that's all Evanescence is. It's about the music!
To quote my friend More Thanawhore (and this is a really great quote): "I think some see this as a true competition,and it's disheartening,since Amy loves everyone at the same level. They have to understand that,no matter WHAT they'll do,she'll never love some specific people as much as she loves josh, Beth, her parents, her siblings, her FRIENDS. We're fans,and we should learn to stay in our place and not assume that because we get to see/do a bit more, we deserve more, we WIN...what the f*** do they win, seriously lol supermarket discount points? Amy loves the ones who respect her,unconditionally,so no one should be jealous of each other NOR should assume others are jealous of them for whatever reason. Moreover,some just see what they want to see and ignore other things so they can justify their childish behavior That's stupid,and the clever ones avoid it."
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Post by Osky on Mar 9, 2014 19:37:30 GMT -5
Today I have been told that I am not a valid member of the Evanescence fan community, because (to paraphrase) I wont drop everything I have going on in my life to travel to a show and see Amy when I have devoted so much of my time to Evanescence. I don't have to prove how big of an Evanescence fan I am to anybody, and I am not doing that anymore. Pfft. I'm an admin of this forum and I haven't been to an Ev concert at all. To be honest everyone has different priorities. We all love Evanescence and we do what we can to support them when we can. Anyone who thinks otherwise is stupid and immature and never grew up from their high school phase. YOU are absolutely welcome in this community. We all love and appreciate Evanescence and just because someone hasn't experienced something particular shouldn't mean they have to be treated lesser. We should all be sharing these experiences with each other and not keeping them from each other. If anyone thinks of me as a lesser Ev fan. SUCK IT.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2014 20:10:49 GMT -5
Yep! And not to go all philosophical, but as one of the geriatric people in this forum, there is one very important lesson I learned in life: Who cares?
Be yourself, the self you can love, because after all, you're the one who has to live with yourself. What does it matter if people judge you for it? If you just work on making yourself a person you can love, nothing else matters, because you know what? Everything else follows. People will see the real you and the ones who will approach you and make friends with you already see who you are and love you for it.
Also, while cyberbullying is still bullying, the best thing about it is that you can "turn it off." Ignore, unfriend, block, move on. If you are a fan of the band, you don't need to necessarily be a fan on the fans, nor be "fanned" by the fans. There are many avenues to keep touch with the actual band, while circumventing the nastiness ... Youtube, google, whatever.
But I agree with the others here; ET is one of the friendliest forums I've been a part of. Sure, there are the occasional catfights, but only because we are family and treat each other as such. What family doesn't have their disagreements, right? Luckily, we have some very competent and level headed moderators/administrators who can keep the peace and settle the arguments.
Stay a while. Be a part of our wacky family. The more, the merrier. ❤️
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Post by slipknaughtybynature on Mar 9, 2014 21:00:27 GMT -5
See, that's the thing that gets me. I understand that people are mean, but WE'RE EVANESCENCE FANS! We are fans of this specific music because it speaks to us. It speaks to us being outsiders and to being different! Some of us have gone through horrible things, why would we then turn around and be horrible to other people... especially people who we share such a profound connection with? Idk. The "competition" aspect of it is so third grade. But you guys... you guys are wonderful! Everyone at evthreads has been so respectful and accommodating. I wish all Ev fans were like this!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2014 21:53:09 GMT -5
I am pleased to see some people have the opportunity to be so involved in whatever Evanescence does. I really am. I have been mistreated by some fellow so-called entitled fans. They no longer act like I exist, better for both of us. Some fans are so full of themselves. It's like the quest for power. The more you have, the more you want.
We, as a community, should know better than to bully. More than that, we should know that as human beings. Other people don't automatically ignore hurtful comments. Quite the opposite. Sometimes all it takes is a few words to tear somebody down beyond repair. I don't wish to point fingers.
I am very much for human rights. Being a lifelong outcast can do that to someone. Is that really so awful?
A friendly reminder that my private message box is always available if anyone needs to talk.
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Post by Himmelslicht on Mar 9, 2014 21:58:47 GMT -5
I realize there are boards or forums where people might be disrespectful *cough*evboards*cough* but not in EvThreads. Our motto is to always keep a good mood around here. Buzzkillers don't really thrive in here for long If we had to filter people of how much of fans they are, I'd be on the bottom of the list, because, as much as I love Evanescence, adulthood is getting the best of me now and I kind of drifted away from the whole fandom thing, honestly. Of course I'm always here because of the amazing community we have here. As I said in the past: this is my second family, and I'm sure I'm not the only one here saying that Some people here are just in the community for what it is: warm, understanding and amazing people who try to help each other and have fun all the time. Some are even not fans anymore or just check up every now and then Don't ever feel bad about this whole thing. These people you talked about, they are the outsiders, not the rest of Ev fans. If they can't get along with other "outsiders", lol, God bless them because I don't know who will put up with their arrogance.
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togetheragain
Viscount/Viscountess of EvThreads
You believed in me but I'm broken
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Post by togetheragain on Mar 9, 2014 22:24:48 GMT -5
Screw people.
I'm glad to hear your experience here has been pretty much positive, though.
But yeah, I think a lot of the problem is people like us--Evanescence fans in general--are already judged so much by "normal" people. Evanescence is deeply artistic in a way a lot of popular "musicians" lack, so to the "normal" people we're judged as pathetic emo sob stories who don't know how to have fun. And when you're judged like that so much, it hurts. As an outcast in many ways, I've noticed we outcasts have a tendency to judge those similar to us for not doing things the way we do. "Oh, you don't spend what little money you have on a concert instead of food and air conditioning? WELL YOU'RE NOT A REAL FAN THEN!"
In example, I'm a Star Wars geek. And we're one of the most pathetic fandoms in existence. And I mean we're fucking pathetic. People who like the Classics say people who prefer the prequels aren't "real fans". People who like all the films get on people who like the animated show and say they're not "real fans". The geeks who are into the novels and comics and such like to say people who only watch the movies aren't "real fans" because they don't care enough about the universe to read 500 books and comics. It's completely shitty. And I realise it's because we're so harshly judged by "non-geeks" for being nerds/geeks/dorks etc., it gets to us emotionally. And as an emotional defense, we judge others whom we think aren't "perfect" fans the way "we" are.
I know bands and movies are kind of different, but the whole "real fan" thing is the same concept. When you're in a fandom--be it of a book series, tv show, film, or a band-- that isn't considered "cool" by "normal" people, the judgement affects you--and I'm not saying you, personally. But people in general. They get judged enough, they're going to eventually judge those who don't do "enough".
Best way to deal with it? Ignore them and chill with the people who don't give half a fuck how "big" a fan you are, and instead focus on your awesome common interest.
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DeMarzi
Viscount/Viscountess of EvThreads
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Post by DeMarzi on Mar 9, 2014 23:51:13 GMT -5
If you're talking about who I think you're talking about... fans have been attacking them all day. Ever since Amy tweeted about their gifts, people have been complaining saying that "Amy only loves people who travel across the world to see her, it's not fair, etc etc". I don't know what happened on facebook but I can personally vouch for some folks in that group and say they don't think better of themselves AT ALL. They had to drop everything and max out their bank accounts/credit cards to get there, and just because they were fortunate enough to have the opportunity, they don't deserve what some fans have been saying to them.
But ON topic, people on the opposite side of the spectrum get attacked by asshole fans also. I've been called an obsessive leebot and accused of thinking that I'm better than others, JUST for having a ton of merch and singles. I collect these things for my own personal enjoyment and to share the beauty of merch with fellow collectors and Evfans, not to prove that I'm better than anyone else and try to win some imaginary pissing contest. This fandom makes me rage sometimes.
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ev_chick89
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Certified EvWh0re
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Post by ev_chick89 on Mar 9, 2014 23:56:20 GMT -5
Okay, Jessica I'm gonna say this once cause I'm in the group of EvFans you're talking about.
We did not cyber bully you! You started this by posting a very rude comment on one I our FB posts. We were being sarcastic about being the sweetest EvFans! Amy tweeted about us yes, but it was a general tweet to everyone there last night. She wasn't expecting all the baby gifts and Evanescence fans there!
If you feel this way I'm sorry but yes, we're all fans and human but you have to give respect to receive it.
We do not think we're superior or w/e. We actually had the time of our lives and we're just very lucky. We planned his for like 6 months and paid out our asses. It's fans like you who give us shit about attending Evanescence shows and having fun with being jealous.
If you want to bitch about us DM me. Don't make a whole thread about us. We were very respectful to Amy and Josh yesterday and they appreciated everything. Sorry if you feel we think we're superior for these things but we're not.
Peace out!
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Post by PJ. on Mar 10, 2014 0:26:45 GMT -5
Well I personally met all of the fans at Wellspring in November..and none of which are rude or come off as people who think they are the band's number one fans or superior. They were very welcoming and warm to me that night and even though I don't talk as much as I should in this fandom, forum, or the EV community they were awesome and I am glad to call them my friends! I was lucky enough to meet Amy at the Wellspring benefit...but I mean I have only been to 2 EV related concerts. I am only 20 years old, I work hard for my money and I decided to treat myself and do something exciting for a change...something I have never done before...this doesn't mean I feel like I am entitled to call myself a number one fan nor does this mean I have a ton of money. Because I don't. I work full time, go to school full time, and still live with my parents. How about we talk about the fans who rage with jealously over fans who decide to do these things? That's something I really hate about fandoms. I mean obviously I was jealous and sad I didn't go to Nashville with the other fans but I made that choice and I am not going to bitch and moan over everyone saying how much they had a good time...because if i went I would be doing the same and I am sure everyone here would. I think it's best to say if you don't like someone, just ignore them. We are all equal here and we all love the same thing equally. Evanescence.
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Post by harridan on Mar 10, 2014 3:54:44 GMT -5
Sometimes I really wonder how nobody of our fandom has been physically harassed by other fans yet. I don't know what's wrong with fandoms but there's always drama, someone is always "not a real fan" or a "f*cking showoff* or whatever. I can understand it for huge fandoms consisting of 99% (pre)pubescent girls because that's a hormonal bomb waiting to explode but I can't explain why our community shows the same signs even though the majority of us are 18+ and have been in this for a decade. We are supposed to be a close-knit community of friends but for some reason someone is always butthurt. Why can't we just enjoy the music and stop looking what other people are doing? It's their life and they can do whatever they want with it. They can go to a M&G if they won it, they can collect CDs and merch if they want to, they can make concerts their priority if that's what makes them happy or choose not to do any of these things. It's not our job to judge anybody, no matter how jealous we are (or especially because we are jealous).
I, as a fan, don't have many stories to tell. My family was so poor I had to collect money even to buy the CDs. Ev never came to my country and I didn't go to a concert until I moved to Japan. I was so jealous of friends who could afford to go and see them in Greece, Germany or England. I dreamed to be like them but never hated them for having what I didn't have. Now I can afford to travel to the other end of the world if I want to but I still can't join because I am entitled to 10 days of holidays per year and no overtime work will give me more. Sh*tty situation but I can't change it for now. I can't even describe how jealous I am of people who can just work their asses off for a while and then jump on the plane. But it's not a negative kind of jealousy in any way. I am sad I can't go but I am happy for the people who are having the time of their lives and are willing to share it with all of us who can't go.
I don't know what happened on facebook. I'm so painfully shy I can't even muster the courage to send friend requests to some people I know from EC and Twitter so I guess I missed that. Still, I know enough about those people to be sure that they don't think they are better than us. Yes, they are sarcastic. Yes, they have a horrible sense of humour. No, they are not bullies. They are just friends who stand up for each other and won't stay silent if somebody attacks them. I agree there are people in our fandom whose purpose in life is to be annoying/bitch about everything/act "holier than thou" but these in particular are not among them. They are crazy but great friends ready to help a fellow Ev fan anytime. I've never heard anything bad from them so I wouldn't jump to conclusions so fast. As other people already said, if you don't like them, feel free to ignore them. However, different doesn't equal bad. If you can't get along with certain people, that doesn't necessarily mean that either one of you is a bad person. It means you are simply different. I am friends with the elitist a-holes but I wouldn't judge you without knowing you well. My only piece of advice would be to try to understand what caused the problem before drawing conclusions. Stick around and you'll see that we can be really friendly. I'm sure you can find more soulmates if you give people a chance.
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